My transition journey started deep down inside a hole. Sadness, anger, helplessness, hurt, all leading to woe (is me). When you lose your job, you will greave but to get out of that hole you need to self-evaluate, not look for sympathy. So, here’s the ladder I used to get out of my hole. A friendly warning, that hole… can be sneaky!
Where’s the Light?
The 2 times I’ve been “restructured” I dealt with my grief 2 different ways. The first time, I wallowed. I looked for people who would give me sympathy, not help. The biggest part of the process I was dealing with was how to sooth my bruised ego. Sympathy worked but it came with a price; keeping me in the hole.
And, once I was back working again (after the first restructuring) I was still hurting so it took years to stop looking for sympathy and actually look at myself. Why was I so miserable?
I never forgave myself for grieving. I never forgave those I blamed for putting me where I was. I let my ego’s desires to be nurtured, by sympathy, over getting out of the hole. And it took networking, self-help programs and group coaching to realize it was MY ego that was the problem. And then I saw the light. And then I got out.
Life Top-side
What an incredible epiphany! If you haven’t experienced the true weight that ego, driven by sorry, can inflict on your shoulders, when I picture it now, I can feel cement blocks, the size of highway lane dividers, being lifted into the air. I was above ground and able to freely walk around. I could smile, authentically. I could help, just for the sheer pleasure of helping. I learned how to feed my ego gratitude, not sympathy, and I got my patience back. Just in time too.
Now, I Can Handle it
Just three months after my “epiphany moment” I was let go for the second time in my career. This time though, no hole to fall into! I was fully aware of what was going on but learned the power of networking, the power of looking for help. And any time I was feeling like that hole was just around the corner, I would share my fears with one of my support groups and, like magic, the hole would disappear. I’ve got this!
Wow, that Hole is Sneaky
Just recently, around 4:50 am, I woke up to this terrible feeling of dread. My brain, on fire with questions like “What am I gonna to do?”, “Where’s the money gonna come from?”, “If I can’t find work, where are we gonna live? “Who’s gonna save me?!” And that hole popped out of my subconscious, while I was sleeping (that sneaky hole), and gobbled me up. I spent the next 5 hours, sitting on my couch, watch COVID-19 updates, drifting in and out of sleep but knowing what I had to do. Talk!
I told my wife exactly what I was feeling. I told my support group exactly what I was feeling. And the reassuring nods and looks of understanding pulled me out.
I Know Where You are, Hole!
What a crappy thing for my subconscious to do, right? Trying to undermine me while I was sleeping. But the favour it did was let me know where all those feelings truly are. While I’m conscious, I’m in control. But if I’m feeling a bit vulnerable, I need to acknowledge it or I’ll open the door to the hole in my subconscious again and wake up in a panic at 4:50 in the morning.
At least hole, you’ve prepared me for “the next time.” I may curl up on the couch but it won’t be for hours. I may let you have some panic and fear to feed on, but you won’t swallow me whole. And now that you’ve shown up in my subconscious, I know where to step so I can avoid falling back into you while I’m awake. Hole, you can have a dream or two of mine, but you’re not going to suck up space in my life. I, have a ladder. I, have a network!
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