I haven’t been honest with you. I’ve been out of work for just over a year now (anniversary was March 13th) and I haven’t really addressed it. I know you’ve seen me post supportive quotes, blogs, podcasts and comment on other posts about leadership, the job market and mental health… but not about me. So, I’ve decided it’s time to share with you my journey; successes, struggles; mostly on the emotional side. I am “In Transition.” Warning, this first post will be long!
Facing the Reality
This is the second time I’ve been “restructured.” The first time was back in 2011. After 20 years of growing with and taking pride in the success of the business, the removal of my connection was devastating. It took almost 7 years for me to fully realize the damage being laid off did to me and those around me. Even getting back to work (which took 2 years) didn’t resolve my misery. That was until I looked for answers outside of my own head.
Looking for Help
It was self-help, actually, that worked for me. Witnessing people being coached out of their own struggles made me realise what was holding me back. My ego! The “woe is me” mentality. The feeling that my suffering was worse than everyone else’s. It was the slap in the face I needed to get myself off my own pedestal and on the road to forgiveness, for myself and those who I wrongly blamed for how I was feeling.
The Reality
It’s all about numbers, not emotion. Once I put my ego aside I was able to process what happened to me in 2011. I was no longer profitable, on a spreadsheet. Was I good at what I did? Absolutely! Could someone else do what I did? Absolutely… on a spreadsheet. What didn’t show up on that spreadsheet? My experience, leadership, vision, wisdom, people skills, things I learned from past failures, none of these had value, on a spreadsheet. So, why was I mad? The decision to lay me off had nothing to do with any kind of feelings so why should I waste my feelings on their decision? So, I moved on.
What Was Different, This Time?
When I was “restructured” just over a year ago, I was calm. I actually felt bad for my boss and the HR manager for having to go through the process. The HR manager couldn’t believe how accepting I was and that made her feel even more regretful. They definitely didn’t want to let me go, but the spreadsheet said they had to. But, if I didn’t have my ego epiphany a few months prior, it might have destroyed me. It hurt, but I’m not devastated by it. I know what warning signs to look for in my feelings and can remove my emotions from the equation. It’s just data. And there’s one more thing I’m doing this time I didn’t do in 2011.
The Real Help
This time, I’m networking. And I’m not reaching out “looking for someone to get me job.” I’m looking for advice. I’m looking for ideas. I’ll talk to anyone who has information or is willing to share their experience. I’m part of support groups. Weekly, monthly, meeting and talking and helping and, especially, LISTENING! I’m helping where I can and willing to open up about how I’m feeling and how I cope.
How Am I Feeling?
There are days I struggle, to make a call, send out an email, get out of bed! But I see the difference my help is having and that’s what motivates me. It’s worth more than the help I get. (and I REALLY appreciate and value the help from all my support group members and friends) The more conversations I have with people that are “In Transition” the better I feel. We are a community of incredibly talented professional with so much left to give and contribute. We just need to talk to each other, support each other, root for each other AND be open with each other.
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